Mothering

I find it hard to believe that anyone could truly, 100% of the time enjoy being a mother and didn't daydream of the times when all you had to worry about was yourself! I secretly long for those days as well, and then feel guilty. But then I quickly catch myself and think why do I feel guilty? Do I love being a mother and my children? Absolutely. WOuld I go back and not have them or even prolong having them? Absolutely not. Do I miss what life was like without children? Almost daily. So why the guilt? When I really think about it, I DON'T feel bad that I miss not being 'on-call' 24/7.
While on an over due and much needed date with my husband the other evening we were sitting in a movie theatre (a movie we both were very excited to see) and I found myself thinking "I wish I was at home with my boys."
But then when I am at home with my boys, for the fourth day in a row of not leaving the house I pine for the movie theatre....
A paradox indeed!
But isn't mothering in itself a paradox? We pour ourselves into our children so that they can one day be independent people, no longer in need of 24 hour care? The goal: to give them roots but also wings so they can fly, all at the same time....