August 2010

We have been in Moose Jaw now since the end of June. Our house has finally sold. We are hoping to put in a an offer tomorrow on a house that is completely done. Well except landscaping, exterior and basement. But for us, that is pretty much done. We are so anxious to be living on our own again! Since being in Moose Jaw it has been much more trying than we anticipated. Stephen works non-stop, and has only had maybe 3 days off in the last 2 months. Which means I have been parenting 24/7 with few breaks. Mommy is getting a little impatient lately.
Lincoln's vocabulary has exploded this summer, and it is awesome. We have been waiting and waiting for this to happen. Sometimes he comes up with new words we don't know where he learned! He is like a little sponge. He also has become more tantrum prone. Thankfully, when he starts to get frustrated and starts crying and grunting more than communicating I can say, "lincoln, use your words please" And he stops and tells me what he needs. I think being so unsettled this summer and living with different ppl (spending 10 days in florida, then a week at Stephen's parents, then at my grandparents for a week, then back in Winnipeg for a weekend, and then finally at my grandparents again) he is a bit more clingly and likes to know where I am at all times. If he can't find me, I can hear the anxiety level in his voice begin to rise quickly. He also has just begun to cry whenever I leave to do errands or go on a date. Which isn't very often, but the face meltdown and weeping at the door, for a good 10 mins after I leave followed by mopingly walking around the house saying "mommy?" is what happens any time I leave. He also has begun insensately banging on the bathroom door whenever I go in there. Nothing like a relaxing bath with a toddler banging on the door yelling "MOM, SHOWER!" every 30 seconds!
He has started napping on a regular bed, which he loves and is going great. 3 nights ago he said he wanted to sleep all night on the bed, instead of his crib, so I thought that was cool and let him. He fell out twice. Once between the bed and the wall, once between the bed and crib I was using as a make shift rail. He hasn't slept on the bed since!
Jackson has started rolling over back to tummy! he continues to be my happy go lucky guy! He loves to chat and smile and lately we have found a few things that really get him laughing. like gut wrenching laughing, it is awesome! For example, talking to grandpa on skype is hilarious! Also, stephen put him up on his shoulders for the first time, and jack just roared and drooled for the longest time. i think it made him feel powerful! He also has finally been putting weight on his legs, and has come to really enjoy standing. He still sleeps with us. Once we are in our own place i will *think* about letting him sleep in his own crib.
zLinc continues to have a love hate relationship with his brother> but he is slowly coming to liking his brother more than disliking him. I will always remember the day lincoln used the word "back" for the first time. We were sitting at dinner at my grandparents. Stephen was holding Jackson and Lincoln was in his own chair. At some point I began to hold Jackson. Lincoln came over to me and started to stay "Back!"BAck!" After thinking for a while I figured out Lincoln wanted me to give Jackson back to Stephen. How sweet, I thought. As soon as Jackson was gone from my arms Lincoln climbed up onto my lap! He know only uses the word "back" when he wants his brother to be gone from my arms! Lincoln is a sneaky one!

Summer Days at Grandma's

While we have been in Moose Jaw waiting for our house to sell, my Grandparent's have been gracious enough to let us live with them. I have been enjoying my time with my grandparents a lot. My grandmother has taught me to make bread, and in a few weeks we will be doing chokecherry jelly. The boys and I spend our days usually at the park or playing in the garden. I love watching my grandmother, especially with Jackson. She loves to hold him on her lap while she sits in her lazy boy chair. She is quick to attend to him if he begins to fuss. My grandfather always loves interacting with Lincoln at meal time, and will try to encourage him to eat by saying, "Grandpa sure likes peas!" Sometimes it works. Most times it doesn't. Its been the best situation I could ask for as we sit in transition.

Jack's First Battle Wound

Today was the first day Lincoln hurt Jackson.
While eating with my grandparents Lincoln threw one of his metal toy trucks, and unfortunately hit Jackson scare on his head. Jackson began screaming, so I picked him up to console him, only to watch the little cut get redder and redder. Poor kid. Stephen decided that Lincoln should apologize to Jackson, so he brought him over, instructing him to say sorry. I watched as Lincolns face slowly began to melt and he burst into mournful tears. It was like watching him feel bad for the first time. So Lincoln climbed onto my lap as I consoled him as well as Jackson. Its amazing that my lap is big enough for both of my babies!
Jack's cut is tiny but on the left of his forehead.

Sleeping Boys

What mother doesn't love to watch her children sleep?

Weening

So we have become the first attempts at weening in our parenting career! Yesterday we lost the last of LIncoln's soothers (or Chooch as we call them). So we decided that was it. He was beginning chew through them quite frequently so it really was becoming time to stop. Last night was the first night of no Chooch. And it was so much easier than I expected! He asked for it once, and Stephen explained that there was no more "chooch" and he didn't need it anymore. He still had a bit of a hard time trying to get to sleep, but no trantrum or meltdown. Then today at nap time he asked for it again and I simply said "No more chooch! How about this car?" And he completely forgot about it. Maybe I was the one holding us up! Maybe I wasn't ready to be 'weened' and he has been ready for quite some time! That's ok with me!!

Mothering

I find it hard to believe that anyone could truly, 100% of the time enjoy being a mother and didn't daydream of the times when all you had to worry about was yourself! I secretly long for those days as well, and then feel guilty. But then I quickly catch myself and think why do I feel guilty? Do I love being a mother and my children? Absolutely. WOuld I go back and not have them or even prolong having them? Absolutely not. Do I miss what life was like without children? Almost daily. So why the guilt? When I really think about it, I DON'T feel bad that I miss not being 'on-call' 24/7.
While on an over due and much needed date with my husband the other evening we were sitting in a movie theatre (a movie we both were very excited to see) and I found myself thinking "I wish I was at home with my boys."
But then when I am at home with my boys, for the fourth day in a row of not leaving the house I pine for the movie theatre....
A paradox indeed!
But isn't mothering in itself a paradox? We pour ourselves into our children so that they can one day be independent people, no longer in need of 24 hour care? The goal: to give them roots but also wings so they can fly, all at the same time....

The Cemetery

The Cemetery behind our house has become a very special place for our family. I know that may seem weird to some, but we have spent hours walking the path. It was my personal and private running path, beautiful beyond words in the summer evenings. It was where we first discovered that Lincoln loved to push the stroller, and could push it for a very, very long time! It was where we first saw some incredible compassion and sensitivity coming from Lincoln, as he walked among the children's headstone - most dating back 100 years, and gently kissing each lamp that sat atop the tiny grave markers.
We saw it as a beautiful park with history, not a place of death and unrest. It always caused us to hold our children a little closer, and speak to each other a little kinder as we were among the gentle reminder that life is short.
Last night we went for what will most likely be our last family walk in the cemetery, so I snapped a few photos.