Milkshake

This pregnancy has been much different than Lincolns. Now I am sure I mostly remember the wonderful things about Linc's pregnancy, those sweet endorphins blocking out the rest, but I do know they have been different.
Physically this pregnancy has been more difficult, in some ways. The nausea at the beginning was much easier than Linc. But the weight gain came quickly and fiercely. So much so we couldn't even hide that we were pregnant at 11 weeks! I had to get prenatal massage with this pregnancy because of the stress on my lower back - but who can complain about getting an hour massage every 3 weeks! I haven't retained water nearly as much with Linc (thankfully!). I have gained more weight with this baby, I think I am at 55lbs now.
Emotionally I expected this pregnancy to be wonderful and exciting. Boy was I wrong. I went through all the same emotions I did with Lincoln - fear of becoming a mom (again?), wondering what it would do to our finances, social life and marriage. Regretting not waiting longer, wondering how in the world I would manage being a mother of two. Being so emotional over what it might mean to Lincoln, and to our relationship! So many of the same emotions, and so many new ones accompanied this pregnancy.
Mentally, it has mostly been easier. I found it very hard with the first one not knowing what labor would be like. I'm sure most first time mom's feel that way, especially if you want to do it naturally. But with Lincoln I didn't have a clue how to prepare myself for the hormonal imbalance that takes place after baby is born. I was a shell of myself for at least the first 4 weeks. It was fairly horrible month. Which I feel aweful about. This time I feel like I know much better what to expect with this second child, but sometimes knowing that the first month could be hard drives me a little batty - feeling much fear of how in the world I would do it with not only a newborn relying on me, but a very perceptive and caring two year old. The one area that has been much harder mentally with this child is going over due!
Going over due is the most mentally challenging thing a pregnant women can go through! You are beyond done being pregnant, but still very pregnant which in my case means emotional and hormonal. So because you are emotional and hormonal you easily get stressed, especially when your baby doesn't come. But your baby (maybe) doesn't come because you aren't relaxed. But your aren't relaxed because your still pregnant. But your still pregnant because you aren't relaxed!!!! I try to be relaxed about it - but its been impossible so far. With lincoln I was totally prepared to go at least 10 days over due, had no idea what the start of labor would look like. And bam, I wake up on his due date have crazy insane labour for about 3 hours and the kid is born. This baby, i didn't expect to go overdue - and figure I will have much better idea of what labor will look like. Well guess I was wrong. The most frustrating part is the fact that I have had no signs of labor, besides some braxton hicks! I truly feel like I will be pregnant forever, and that there isn't even a baby inside of me. And I'm only 4 days over due! (One day if you go by the ultra sound due date) I am such a wuss! I will be shocked if this baby ever decides to come. Stephen and I made a deal, if the baby stays inside me for 12 months, we will name it Buster (a little 'arrested development' humor for those who watched)
Oh yes and the dreams! With Lincoln the dreams were wonderful, reaffirming. In all of the them I bonded with the baby, and we had a boy and they were just wonderful. The dreams I have had with this baby usually involve the baby looking quite homely, me not evening knowing what the sex of the baby is, and not even getting to hold it for quite sometime after it was born. Last nights dream I was shocked when I held my baby for the first time, at how big it was, and my mother remarked, "Well its gained a good 5lbs since birth!) I also mistook it for a boy, when really it was a girl. And an ugly girl at that. So then i feel like the worst mother ever for the first few hours in the morning. And what does Stephen tell me when i tell him about my dreams? "Honey, you really need to stop dreaming about the baby." Good idea.
This is quickly turning into a crazy hormonal lady rant, so I will end it here.
ps the title has nothing to do with the content. I was simply drinking a milkshake when I sat down to blog. And then I knocked it over. Perfect.